20 Weeks

• Halfway there!  WOOO HOO!  It feels like its flown by but the road ahead seems soooooo long.
  
• I'm already feeling stuffed and stretched.  I am wondering how my body possibly did this two other times, and if I'm this uncomfortable already at 20 weeks what is another 20 going to feel like?  Hell, quite possibly.
  
• In all of my pregnancies I haven't really felt a huge "craving" desire... like "OMG I HAVE TO HAVE IT NOW!" type of craving.  Except... lately I'm seriously craving oranges.  I bought a bag on a whim and they are so effing good.  One morning I forgot to pack one in my lunch and I swear to goodness I could SMELL oranges in my car.  I contemplated stopping at the grocery store, thus being late to work, to buy an orange.  I resisted.  I got to school and couldn't stop thinking about oranges so I went to the cafeteria and asked if they had any and of course it was apple day... the day before was orange day.  I went to Subway for lunch that day and even peeked next door to the gas station to see if just maybe they had oranges.  Nope.   Tonight... well, I devoured 3 oranges.  I have none left for tomorrow (it was a serious debate whether or not to eat that last orange....) but I decided I'd leave a little early for work and stop at the store to buy another bag.  This is so wrong.
  
• For the past 2 weeks or so I've been having these weird "kicking/tightening/pinching" feeling in my left side of my abdomen.  It happens when I tighten my stomach muscles (oh hello... muscles... I haven't used you in forever....) and it hurts just for a second but enough to make me jump and take my breath away.  Midwife said it was round ligament pain... well that's a new one for me.  Weird.
  
• I've been seeing the chiropractor weekly, and it is much needed.  I don't think I could survive pregnancy without the chiropractor.  My sacrum (upper hip/lower back/joint or whatever) is always out of alignment, which knocks everything else off and turns into upper back tightness and neck aches and headaches.  Fun stuff... nothing new though... went through this with both boys.
  
• I've gained 24lbs so far.  WOWZAS!  I'm 4-5lbs ahead of what I'd gained at this point with the boys... so I guess not too terrible.  However, the number on the scale is a scary one seeing I started this pregnancy out 15lbs ahead of where I was when I got pregnant with the boys.  Do the math... I'm almost at my "delivery weight" when I had the boys.  Sick.
  
• I'm getting so so so anxious to meet this little girl.  I can't even begin to picture what she's going to look like since the boys both look SO different.  When I was pregnant with Hudson I assumed he'd have brown hair and hazel or brown eyes like Porter.  However, we were thrown some far fetched genes in the gene pool and got our little blonde haired blue eyed boy.  So... I keep thinking... will she have brown hair like Porter or blonde like Hudson?  Or dark dark brownish black like Ryan?  Will she have freckles and hazel eyes like Porter and I?  Will she have blue eyes like Hudson or brown like Ryan? Will she have a round little face like Ryan and Hudson did or more of an oval like Porter and I?  Will her hair be wavy-ish like Porter and mine or stick straight like Ryan and Hudson?  (notice the trend... Ryan and Hudson share so many simliar traits, aside from hair/eye coloring... and Porter and I are so similar in traits.  Where will this little one fall?)
  
• We still are undecided on a name... although we both feel like we have a favorite but are having a hard time settling.  Or maybe its just me that's having a hard time settling.  We have discussed keeping her name a secret until she's born... you know, have some anticipation to look forward to HAHA!

• This week the baby is about the size of a banana....

The Name Game

Ahhh naming your child.  It is exciting to me but also can be soooo frustrating.  Its something that is so permanent.... I'm afraid to mess it up!  I was pretty sure we were set on a name, and in all honesty I'm sure we are... I'm sure in the end this name will be it.  (I've even already purchased wood letters for her room and painted them.... that's how sure I was).  I was this way with the boys... one name stuck out the entire pregnancy but I felt weird committing until further on. It was almost as if I had to get to know the baby as that name before fully feeling committed.  

However, I'm still tossing around other names "just in case".  I want to make sure this is it.   I thought I'd share a little name poll to see what readers thought.  Not all of the names are definitely on our list... I threw a random one or a few in there.   I'd like to know your thoughts.... what would make a good little sister for Porter and Hudson?

Would you like to know?

When I first got pregnant, I was unsure if I wanted to find out the gender of this little babe.  I loved the idea (note: the "idea") of building up anticipation and excitement and finding out the gender on D-Day.  I've been there for births that didn't know the gender and it is a truly emotional and exciting moment when the baby finally arrives.

Then I thought that maybe we'd do a fun kind of gender reveal...

here

Found here

More details found here

More party pictures at the Hostess Blog

Okay, I digress.... there are lots of neat ideas and since this is most likely (moooost likely) our last child, I thought it might be neat to either find out in a fun way just our little family of 4, maybe even go as far as having some kind of gender reveal party, or simply revealing it to others in a fun way.  

But.... I'm too impatient and have a lack of willpower.  And, well, its too easy when you know someone who is a sonographer.  

Do you want to know what this little bun in the oven is?   Are you dying to know?   

We.......

are.......

having.........

To say I'm excited is an understatement.  I'm completely and utterly over the moon.  I've prayed and wished and hoped for this little girl and can not believe she is going to be part of our family in May.  I've never pictured our family any different... I've always envisioned two boys and a girl.  And though I've always felt this little one was a girl, I had my worries that maybe my intuition was wrong and it was just wishful thinking.  Ryan is kind of speechless... he always pictured 3 boys and I know he's so worried about having a daughter- a little girl to be overprotective of.  

The boys, well, they're going to be the best big brothers ever.  They both really wanted a little sister, and when I told Porter he was so excited he was almost speechless.  It was adorable.  I showed him some of the clothes Ry and I had picked up for "sissy" and he oohed and ahhed at all of them.  He talks to her almost every day and kisses my belly all the time.  Hudson still is a little oblivious... he knows he's going to have a little sister but seems to think both he AND Porter each get their own HAHA!  

So that's the big news.  It's a girl!  

Wiggles

The past few days I have been feeling this little bubs fluttering around. I forgot what a sweet feeling these first movements are! I can't wait for the boys to feel the baby kicking!

Speaking of the boys, they are SO excited about the baby. When Ry and I got back from our anniversary weekend porter said to me "woah mom, your belly is getting so big!". It is so different this pregnancy- the boys really seem to be into the baby and excited about it. Porter was so little when I was pregnant with Hudson I really didn't get to experience his excitement. I can not wait for this little babe to get here because I know it'll be spoiled like crazy by two big brothers!

And speaking of baby... I thought I'd share some names we are tossing around. We are pretty sure of the gender but I'd like to document for memory sake.

Boys:
Finley
Sullivan
Jonah
Jude

Ryan likes Drake and Calvin but I vetoed both.

Girls:
Charlotte
Selah
Amelia
Hazel

 Ryan doesn't like Selah.

 So, if you are curious to know the gender, make a guess in the baby poll and then email me and I'll let you know! Otherwise, I'm going to wait for our 20 week ultrasound the 2nd week of December.

15/16 weeks

I'm a few days away from 16 weeks so I figure I'll do a multi-post.  On Thursday night (errr... early early Friday morning) I snuck in to see LeeAnn at work so she could do an ultrasound.  I had originally planned not to find out the gender but of course I'm too nosy.  She was about 90% sure on her gender call.  I went back this evening to have her scan me again to see if there was any change and she said she'd be 99% sure she is right.  I'm going back in a week or so to see if there are any changes.  So... if you haven't voted in the ExpectNet Poll (in the sidebar)... go do so now!  You get points (gender is worth 400!) and the person with the LEAST points wins.  So, if you guess the wrong gender you are smacked with 400pts.  Birth Date, Weight etc... all that are points as well.  Fun stuff!   I'm not sure when I'll reveal the gender but we shall see.   Ryan and I did spend the weekend discussing names and envisioning #3 as a specific gender in our family.  Fun stuff!

I did have a doctor's appointment on Friday and have gained a disgusting amount of weight.  ICK.  Heard the heartbeat and that sounded great.  My blood pressure, however, is of concern.  It was 130/90 (which I thought seemed normal for me but she said my last few appointments were 106/68 or around there).  So, they're keeping an eye on it and I go back the 2nd week in December for "the Big Ultrasound" and another appointment.  The blood pressure thing makes me a little nervous as my co-worker (who is pregnant) was taken off work for her blood pressure being too high.  Would be nice, if I got paid time off... but I don't.  So... I can't afford to be taken off work.  Hopefully it won't cause any problems.  

Right now, Baby Barczak #3 is somewhere around the size of an apple or avocado.     

13 Weeks

Cravings:  

Still totally craving Sour Patch Kids.  Also anything bready.... bagels especially.  Spicy stuff is a total turn off... we made tacos and rice the other night and I couldn't eat it.  The thought of fajitas is disgusting.  

Symptoms/Feelings:  

No new symptoms.   

I've realized throughout this pregnancy I've completely, 100% felt like this baby is a girl.  

With Porter I was kind of "ehh" on either gender... didn't really have a for sure feeling but I'd always thought we'd have a boy first (and was kind of hoping for a boy b/c hilarious... Gap had adorable boy stuff that fall I found out his gender HAHA!).  

Hudson... I soo wanted a girl but even when people told me they were SURE I was having a girl I felt completely and utterly doubtful.  I think I knew he was a boy even though I was really hoping for a girl.  

This baby.... I think and refer (in my mind, that is) to this baby as a "her" or "little sis".  Is that nuts?  Absolutely nuts.  Poor thing is probably a boy and will end up being nicknamed little sis HAHA!  I'm not sure if this feeling is mother's intuition (you know how some mom's say they KNEW for sure what they were having?) or a wishful thinking that a little girl will round out our family.   I guess we'll know for sure in about another month!  

Changes:  Nothing major... I think I'm getting slightly more of a bump than just pudge and fat around the middle.  I can't wait to be showing more and actually look pregnant and not just fat.  I hate this stage.  

Baby right now, at 13 weeks, is the size of a medium shrimp.  

12 Weeks

On Monday night I fell down the stairs.  We have hardwood stairs that are uncarpeted and I woke up at 2am to let the puppy out.  Somehow I completely missed the stairs and slid/bounced at least 3/4 of the way down.  Other than my ass hurting and my elbows being scraped, I felt fine.  (a little stunned though!).  I went to work Tuesday and felt fine, but after work I decided to call my OB just to let them know what happened... completely expecting it not to be that big of a deal.  They told me I needed to go to the ER to be checked out.  Talk about freak me out!

Well, 4 hours of waiting in the ER got us back to a room... where the male nurse asked me to bend my elbows and said "everything seems fine..."  He said he'd try to find the heartbeat with the doppler.  He had no idea what he was doing, obviously, as he barely touched the wand to my skin.... by my belly button.   Of course he couldn't find the heartbeat, but I didn't say anything (just bit my lip.  hard. because it was hilarious!) because I figured if he can't find the heartbeat he'd get an u/s. 

The doctor (male) came in and same thing.... bend your elbows... can you straighten your arms... let me get a look at your hip (my hip was hurting but uhm, I was fine!).  He said it didn't seem like I had any fractures or breaks (no shit!) and I told him.... I know I'm fine... the only reason we waited 4 hours was to have the BABY checked on... I'm not worried about me.  He did finally bring in a bedside ultrasound machine and we saw the baby moving.  When he said "Uhm, if I had to guess I'd say those are the arms..."  I knew this doc had no idea wtf he was doing.  At least we were able to see the baby moving and have peace of mind that everything was okay.  

Symptoms/Feelings:  Near-daily puking (mostly in the morning if I don't eat right away... though sometimes its brought on by coughing... which is still lingering around!).  Sometimes I feel like my mouth is producing TONS of saliva.  Gross.  Still have acne bad.  Way worse than with the boys.  

Changes:  Bought a 36E bra last week.  Its already feeling a little small.  GRR.  This is probably my most hated part of pregnancy... the boobs!!

Cravings:  Sour Patch Kids.  SOOO yummy.  I've also been eating the heck out of Jell-O Chocolate pudding with Cool-Whip.  This tends to be a pregnancy "comfort" food for me... I've loved this throughout all of my pregnancies.  

Baby is the size of a lime (or plum).  

11 Week Appointment

Baby this week is the size of a fig.  

This has been a rough, rough week for me.
Monday night: started coughing for 2 hours straight until I threw up.  Went to bed and slept 12 hours.
Tuesday I only made it through half a day of work and made a doctor's appointment because I was achy, feeling sick, coughing a ton etc.  I was told it was just a virus.

After that appointment I had my OB appointment.  Gained another 5lbs (for a total of 10 EEEK!).  Everything checked out okay, had an internal exam and the midwife noted "Nice size baby."  Mmmkay.

Wednesday I went back to my regular doctor because I was feeling sicker.  Head was hurting and so was my ear.  I was put on an antibiotic for a sinus infection.  The nurse (Dr. Mike) I saw said the acid reflux I thought I was having was most likely sinus drainage that has turned into a sinus infection.  Weighed in 3lbs lighter than the day before.  The entire week I pretty much lived on toast, cereal and chicken noodle soup.  Any amount of coughing sent me to the bathroom throwing up.

Finally by Saturday I was feeling better and was able to eat some "real" food... ARBY'S!  YUM.

Preggo in Full Force

Ahhh I can 100% tell I am preggo.  Not just the weight gain (already.  Ugh.  but... can't complain too much b/c I've been eating terrible terrible foods), but huuuge boobs, acne like a pubescent teenager, mood swings (ha!  yes... worse than 'normal'), and hip issues. 

About 2 weeks ago I started regular visits with the chiropractor.  This was routine during my first two pregnancies.  I thought at first I was going to get by without needing the chiro this time but alas, at 9 weeks my hip got out of whack which in turn caused issues in my shoulder/upper back on the same side- resulting in an awful lingering headache. 

I've gone twice to the chiro and he has urged me not to sit crossing my legs since during pregnancy the joints etc all loosen in the hip area (thus a big reason I end up needing the chiropractor I suppose?).   I've been trying hard to sit without crossing my legs but sheesh that's hard to do!  I am not scheduled to go back until next week but I'm already feeling out of whack in my right hip now so I may end up getting adjusted a little earlier than planned.   

Its just crazy to me that I'm typically totally fine in-between pregnancies but within a couple months of being pregnant I'm getting out of sort and unable to adjust it myself.  At least I know what to do to cure it, right?

It was about 2 weeks ago that I started noticing some icky acid reflux/heartburn showing up.  During P's pregnancy I had heartburn toward the end, and with H I had acid reflux (literally... could feel the acid come up my throat EEWW) toward the middle/end.   This is so early for me.  However, I met a friend for Panera one evening and after I came home I coughed so much on the acidy burning in my throat that I ended up chucking my entire dinner.  Talk about ruining my favorite meal!!  Since then I've been taking Zantac before every meal.  It doesn't matter what I eat, if I don't take an acid reducer I'm inevitably coughing from "throat scratchiness" after eating.  

10 Weeks

Symptoms/Feelings:  Ughh.  This past week (or two) has been the worst.  Last Thursday I threw up for the first time (and unfortunately it was my faaaavorite, Panera... in the kitchen sink.  Ryan was not amused to have to clean it up.  That is pure love for ya!).   I think I'm having a bit of acid reflux- I had this when I was pregnant with Porter and I've noticed after I eat I end up with this tickle/burning in the back of my through and I can't stop coughing (and usually end up throwing up).  I picked up some Zantac and Pepcid AC and have been taking that before meals. So far it has really helped.  

The exhaustion has worn off pretty well.  I've been feeling much better, although some nights I've gone to bed early (which is so not like me).  Housework has totally slacked lately.   I feel like we've all been so busy with work/sports/photography etc that in our spare time we just want to sit and veg and spend time as a family.  I was afraid we had a permanent laundry pile in the living room last week.  Luckily, it finally made its way upstairs!

I feel hungry all the time, which is kind of annoying because I don't want to overdose on Zantac but I get sick if I eat without it.  I've been trying not to snack much, although it makes the nausea less noticeable.  Such a contradiction :) 

Changes:  I'm pretty sure I've gained a substantial amount of weight already.  I tried on some pre-preg jeans (seriously... I'm totally wearing maternity pants with the demi panel now!) and I could tell my ass and thighs had gotten larger as well as my belly.  I swear I Blow. Up. when I'm pregnant.  

Cravings:   Sour patch kids (yummmmm), Beef tips and noodles (I totally craved this alll last week and finally made it for dinner tonight.  YUM).  

The baby is the size of a kumquat (what IS a kumquat?)

9 Weeks

Symptoms/Feelings:   Ahh I spoke too soon.  Just a week or so ago I was complaining that I was an "eat b/c I'm nauseous" person... and over the weekend I think my nausea kicked up a notch and I've been so nauseous that nothing sounds good.  Even my spit is making me nauseous.  UGH.  Feeling nauseous (omg how many times can I write that word in this post?) is such a sucky feeling.  It makes me feel like just sitting all day, doing nothing.  My motivation has gone out the window when I don't feel well.  

At 9 Weeks the baby is the size of a grape.  

8 Weeks

Symptoms/Feelings:   Pretty much constant nausea.  I feel fat, cranky and nauseous all the time.  Exhaustion hasn't been too terrible this week but I've been so unmotivated to do anything other than basic needs. 

Changes:  Already went up a bra size.  8 weeks = DD.  Great.  I'm heading to Bras That Fit this week to get one that actually fits well.  Bought a DD at Target and the shoulder straps were way too long so I tried to rig it up but its still not fitting right.   Sadly, started wearing some maternity pants with the small elasticy panel (you know, the ones made for early pregnancy and even after delivery?).  I have very few pre-maternity pants I fit into.   

Cravings:  Nothing consistent.  Cravings seem to be on a by-the-day (or by-the-meal) basis.  I, so far, have been one of those "nauseous and HAVE to eat" type of preggos.  Eating makes my stomach feel better... so I try to snack throughout the day.  I keep pretzels and animal crackers at work although by the time I get home from work I'm starving (and nauseous).  

7 Weeks

Symptoms/Feelings:   UGHHH nausea.  Every evening I'm pretty much down for the count.  Extreme exhaustion, although I'm pretty sure a lot of that has to do with teaching fulltime this past week (as well as this coming week or two).  This past weekend I fell asleep before 9pm on Friday and Saturday, and continued to sleep in on Sunday morning until 10am.  I am NOT an early to bed person... I am rarely in bed before midnight.  So 9 am bedtime at least 3 nights this week is an extreme rarity.  And the acne.  Am I 13 again??  I'm breaking out like crazy!  

Cravings:  Hmm.  Nothing really... I do seem to crave starchy/fried foods.  ICK.  

At 7 weeks, this little bambino is the size of a blueberry.  Awwww.

6 Weeks

Symptoms and Feelings:  No serious nausea or vomiting yet.  I have felt a bit nauseous at night but I also take my prenatal at night and that's always made me nauseous.  I've felt nauseous a little throughout the day but munching on pretzels has helped.  

Cravings:  Nothing consistent.  Panera Smokehouse Turkey Panini.  Had that twice last week.  Salad.  Yummm.  Ice cream.  Nothing I need desperately, but I have these waves of cravings.  

Changes:  I feel fat.  So incredibly fat.  Do you see the size of the baby below?  A lentil bean.  Now why exactly is my stomach protruding so much?  And by protruding I mean, making my fat pooch stick out even more than it does.  So, bloated stomach + fat pooch= tubba bubba.  By the end of the day I'm so bloated I look about 4 months pregnant.  Gross.  I'm going to invest in a Bella Band soon I think so I can smooth out the middle HAHA!

Anyhow, this week our little addition is the size of a lentil bean. 

Yum.

So the past few days I've been having some slight cravings.  Nothing dire or "I MUST HAVE OR I'LL DIE" cravings but definitely cravings.

Last night.... spaghetti.  I'd watched my sister make spaghetti earlier in the week and then watched a movie Friday night where the lady made spaghetti.  And I had to have it.  In my last two pregnancies I couldn't eat spaghetti or anything with red sauce (meaning pizza too!!).  It gave me terrible heartburn and acid reflux.

Tonight I intended to sit and eat a bowl of ice cream and watch Grey's with Ryan and instead I sit here with a salad.  Yah... a salad.  I picked up some House Italian dressing on Saturday and really really wanted a salad with sharp cheddar cheese, carrots, hard boiled egg, Meijer croutons and House Italian dressing.  YUMM.

5 Weeks

Symptoms and Feelings: So far, only really sore boobages, and twinges in my uterus.  In my last pregnancies I didn't get nauseous/throw up until about 6 weeks... so about 7 more days of feeling decent :)   I've also been really tired lately.  Not quite exhausted but more tired than normal.  

Cravings:  None yet!  I did really want Los Tres Amigos the other day but I think that's pretty normal.  We hadn't had Los Tres in awhile so it was due time!  Oh wait... chocolate chip cookies.  I really really want some chocolate chip cookies!  Or just the dough (a no no... grr).  YUMMM!

At 5 Weeks, our little bun in the oven isn't quite a bun... but the size of a sesame seed on a bun.  :)  

Spreading the News

Okay, we've only known I am pregnant for a week but oh my... I feel like its been forever!  I hope this pregnancy doesn't go by this slow the whole time!

Ultimately, we decided to go ahead and tell the people that we would share any upsetting news with if something ends up happening to this pregnancy.  Our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage before we told anyone and it was hard to tell good news laced with bad.  We knew regardless of what happens we would want support or to be able to share with those close to us.  

Ryan's dad came over last Friday for dinner and we decided to tell him.  It was a spur of the moment thing and he just handed him the envelope with the "baby tickets" in it.  His dad stared at it FOREVER and I was feeling a bit nervous.  Uhh.... uhh..... He seemed happy!

I told my mom via text.  Hurricane Irene was heading right toward her and she and Mike refused to evacuate even though the police were sending everyone off the island.  I was terrified we'd end up with another Katrina situation and she'd never learn about this baby.  So before I went to bed I hurried up and sent her a text.  

She called me the next morning and was so excited!  I told Lori and my sister the same way.  PREGO!  (We had some friends before we were married that said they always associated Prego spaghetti sauce to the wife being pregnant b/c that's the only kind she would eat... some reason we always only buy Prego and it always reminds me of "PREGGO!" HAHA!)

My mom told my grandma, who said she had had a dream a few nights before that I had a baby boy.  GAH!  And then Ryan accidentally spread the news to our neighbors (UGH) and I told the girls via text as well.  Funny how the times change.... my first few pregnancies texting wasn't even a thought because not everyone texted.  Now its like the norm for spreading news HAHA! 

I went into work yesterday and found out that another 1st grade teacher is pregnant with her 3rd... she's 13 weeks along.  Her older two are close to the same age of my boys, so she was super excited when I told her.  I hope all this spreading of the news so early isn't a bad idea.  It makes me nervous.  However, I'm already feeling symptoms... really sore tatas, bloaty, and I can feel kind of pinchy feelings in my uterus when I think I remember that as the stretching/growing (right)?  From the pregnancy updates it says by 6 or 7 weeks I think that the uterus doubles in size so I'm assuming that's what the feelings are.  

5 weeks so far!  So early, but so excited about this whole baby thing!

What's with the blog name?

The title of this blog came from my friend, Stephanie. I'd called her about medication (she's not "almost a nurse" anymore... she IS a nurse!) and when I told her she said "You're like the One Hit Wonder! All of my pregnancies I've been so so so incredibly lucky to get pregnant the first month. I don't take this for granted and I am extremely thankful every time. I can't believe it, again, the 4th time... first try. Craziness.

Telling Ryan

With my last pregnancies I really didn't do anything exciting to tell Ryan.  Our first pregnancy I don't really remember telling him.  I'm pretty sure I took a test during the day because I remember Ryan and I taking a walk afterwards and just being amazed we were pregnant.  That pregnancy ended shortly after.

With Porter's pregnancy, I woke him up (I had taken a test at like 1am) and told him.  He was pretty out of it.  And sadly, I don't even remember how I told him about Hudson's pregnancy.

However... I wanted this time to be exciting.  I made up these "ticket stubs" for him and put them in a manila envelope, wrote "RYAN" on it and put it on the counter on top of his books for class.  When he came home from work he saw it and said "What's this?"  And I waited a moment in the foyer and then walked into the kitchen to see this big smirk on his face, him staring at the tickets.  He said "Are you really?!"  I nodded and said "I've taken 3 tests!"  He said "What the heck!  We only got one week of trying!"  HAHA!

8.24.2011: We're Pregnant!

When we got home from camping I had a package waiting for me... 25 high sensitivity pregnancy tests purchased on eBay for $4 from Hawaii.  I snuck up to the bathroom and peed in a plastic cup and watched as the first line appeared.  For a moment there was only one line.  And I figured.... yeah, I didn't think it'd happen this month.  Not after all this medication issues and my huge meltdown and the stress I've been under.

But the test said wait 5 minutes.

Just a moment after only one line appeared... I saw another begin to show up.  And it got darker.  And there were definitely two lines.

I really couldn't believe it.  I uttered under my breath "Holy shit... how did we get so lucky again?!"   I can't believe our fertility luck and I thank the Lord for it because of my lack of maternity leave we needed to get pregnant either this month, September or October.  Still, my due date should be around May 2nd which puts me off work for a month without pay.  It will work out.  It always does.

I'm amazed.  Feel so blessed.  So excited.  Hopeful.  Curious.  Excited.  I can't wait to tell the boys in a few weeks, once we're much further out of the scary weeks.  I'm so worried about miscarrying again.  I thought that by the 4th pregnancy it wouldn't weigh so heavily on my mind but lo and behold, that is all I think about all day.

For now, I will bask in amazement.